O-M-G! I can’t believe it’s not butter, but more importantly I can’t believe it has been so long since I last made an update to my blog. It’s not as though I haven’t had a great deal to say, on the contrary, those that know me, know I have an awful lot to say on a wide variety of subjects. It’s just that I have been very busy trying to keep out of the toy box for as long as possible.
As part of my busy schedule to remain free, I have gone back to school and got a part time job of sorts. It was part of a deal I struck with the House Human, and the lesser evil of the three scenarios ‘it’ presented me with. Really when you think about it though, I had no choice in the matter, and it was all a bit of a con on the House Human’s part, and somehow I don’t think ‘it’ really liked the fact that I was becoming more popular than him.
Admittedly it was somewhat of tough decision to make and I would have spent all of two minutes contemplating my navel fluff, if I had had a navel. I mean which one would you have chosen if you were me:
1) get an education and make something of my life and forget about finding my path to fame and fortune. I think this was a euphemism for you have some wonderful ideas and moderate to poor talent, however, you’re significantly draining the household budget and I can no longer afford to keep you. This option of course tied in nicely with evil choice number two;
2) get sold in to slavery. And while this was at first an attractive option to consider given the array of wicked thoughts that followed through my polly-fill neural pathways, apparently the House Human intended for me to be sold as a rug. Going by the long diatribe that followed and given my size, I can only assume this meant as a toupee. Then there was the final choice;
3) go straight back into the toy box and never see the warm light of day again. Isn’t that just like life, no matter what choice we make in life, we all end up in a box… eventually.
So after many weeks looking through course cattledogs and searching for an educational facility that allowed teddy bears to enrol, I finally found a course that I liked and a University that would let me in and not make fun of the fact that I’m a bear. I tell you I never knew some of you humans were so smart. Us toy box folk have always been of the opinion that you were all dumb. I guess that’s one of the pitfalls of being a toy, and using the House Human as the benchmark to gauge your social skills and level of intelligence.
Being a human, by now you more than likely have two simplistic thoughts running through that mushy stuff you laughingly refer to as brains, right? The first would have to be why all humans aren’t smarter than an 8 inch bear and, what course could shut this bear up for so long when ordinarily it doesn’t shut up long enough to draw breath?
Why not all humans are intelligent and other stuff
As it transpires one of my lecturers at University is a doctor. She is a lovely human, kind, generous in spirit, a very entertaining orator, and very supportive of those around her – she really seems to know what she is talking about; most of the time –. However, I think she is only pretending to be a doctor – sort of like Ken does with Barbie when they think no one else is looking. I had occasion last week to talk with her regarding some issues that had arisen with my coursework. During this conversation I made reference to horrible pain in my tummy and she just looked at me with a blank expression on her face before suggesting I may like to go and talk with a doctor… duh! I thought I was talking to a doctor. Perhaps she’s not familiar with the anatomy of a bear, or she’s not as clever as she would like to make out.
Then there’s this human in the class…. forever with the questions. Every time he opens his mouth another question spews forth, even if there is no need for a question, he questions why there is no question. This kid just goes to prove not all humans are intelligent, and he is also probably the sole reason people get their heads flushed in toilets.
The University is a long way from the toy box, and the House Human lovingly packs my lunch and my backpack each morning before he throws me on the school bus, and I do literally mean throws. The other morning his aim was a little off and I hit the windscreen. Do you have any idea what it’s like being stuck to the front of a bus in the middle of winter? Thank Dog for the widow wiper things; at least I had something to hold on to.
My first class today was Cultural Theory and Practice, the second unit I am doing as I work toward my Masters of Writing. I haven’t quite figured out what this unit has to do with putting words on paper yet, but I do know that the set text has a lot of words in it and cost the House Human a lot of money. Perhaps that is the point of Cultural Theory and Practice. It demonstrates that you can create a culture by writing a book that supposedly relates to writing, then in theory you can wack a fancy title on it, charge whatever you like; before telling those who buy it that they need to practice, practice, and practice if they want to be a writer.
Aside from the study stuff doing my head in, it’s not all bad. There are some fairly funky and perfunctory folk on campus along with one or two Pe’ri, and they’re pretty cool. They have taken me under their wings and are making sure I get to my classes on time and are ensuring I don’t get trodden on. They’re so caring they even went to the trouble the other day of tying a big yellow balloon to me so every could see where I was. The only trouble was the balloon had been filled with helium so I floated around for a while until they eventually got me down… thank Dog for slingshots.
Anyhow I really should go now and do some homework (working on my electronic and social media assignment). I’m also going to ask the House Human if I can have a perforate or two in my ear so I blend in a little more with the Faculty of Arts hipsters, that way I can avoid the perfidy of tongues should I ever be engaged in the perditionish of perfervid philosophical peremptory.
In the meantime, if you have a television show or movie you would love to see reviewed on HYFN.Net let me know as I am always open to suggestions on what to review next.
Also keep an eye out for my StopCyberBullys blog which is currently under construction.
Until next time big bear hugs and best wishes,
Theodore Bear.
:o)
